Explain Me!
by natie-chan
Summary: “Hieisan, I have something to ask you...“Hn.”.“It has to do with a man and a woman.”.“Hn.” Hiei frowned. What was she talking about?.“Hieisan, how can a man get a woman pregnant?”. Hiei fell from the tree.
1. Default Chapter

DD: This idea just popped on my mind while I watched my uncle trying to explain to my four-years-old cousin, who had asked him the most feared question. "Where do babies come from?"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, all right?  
  
** Explain Me!  
  
By Dancing Doll**  
  
"Guys, we have something to tell you." Yusuke announced, bringing everyone's attention to him. The Reikai Tantei along with everyone else had gone to Keiko's parent's restaurant because Yusuke and his wife wanted to tell them something important.  
  
"What is it, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked, looking at his friend. "Say it quickly so I can keep courting my dear Yukina-chan."  
  
"Shut up, oaf." Yusuke said. Keiko rose from her seat and smiled at everyone.  
  
"What Yusuke and I wanted to tell you guys is..."  
  
"...That we're expecting a baby!" Yusuke shouted, punching the air.  
  
"OMG! Keiko-chan, that's great!" Botan exclaimed while the rest of them cheered and applauded.  
  
"I hope your baby is healthy, Keiko-san." Yukina bowed, smiling happily.  
  
"You don't waste time, do you Yusuke?" Kurama asked his friend, grinning.  
  
"I have trust on Little Yusuke." The black haired boy smiled smugly. "He does his job amazingly well. Just ask Keiko."  
  
"Yusuke!" Keiko scolded, slapping him upside the head.  
  
"Hn. Just as long as the brat doesn't annoy me like you do." Hiei said, crossing his arms but giving a small grin.  
  
"Don't worry, Hiei. I'll tell the baby to call you Hiei-nii-chan." Yusuke said.  
  
"Go ahead unless you want to have only one child." The short fire demon said menacingly "I'm quick enough to abstain you from a very important part of your body."  
  
Yusuke laughed, but paled a little. He sure didn't want to lose that part of his anatomy.  
  
"Heh. Congratulations Urameshi! You two sure were quick! Only one week married and you already make Keiko get pregnant!"  
  
Yukina, who was close by, looked in confusion at Kuwabara, "What did you say, Kazuma-san?"  
  
"Huh? That he already made Keiko get pregnant." The taller boy said. "Why do you ask?" Yukina frowned a little but shook her head.  
  
"Nothing." She smiled and walked away, "How odd."  
  
_A week later  
_  
Yukina sighed in frustration. She had tried figuring out what Kuwabara had said alone, but couldn't.  
  
Now, you must be asking yourself 'What do you mean? It's so obvious!'. Well, let me remind you, fellow reader, that Yukina is a koorime. And koorimes reproduce asexually. That's the reason dear Yukina- chan can't understand how Yusuke could actually manage to get Keiko pregnant. The brunette could have done that all by herself! Besides, she didn't have a lot of interaction with males before she knew the gang.  
  
"There must be something different on the way humans reproduce." She mused. Maybe if she asked someone she would be able to solve this...Now, she only had to decided who.  
  
Genkai and Yusuke were out. They were always so busy with training that Yukina didn't want to interrupt them. Keiko didn't have time because she was taking care of the baby's shower. Shizuru was traveling. Botan and Koenma were having a lot of work because of the entire killing that happened on Iraq. She didn't feel comfortable asking questions to Kuwabara, because he always made such a big deal about everything.  
  
The only persons that were left were Hiei and Kurama. Yukina, then, made a logic conclusion. If she felt so comfortable around Hiei, then she should ask him. He was almost like her brother, anyway. Or at least like she imagined her brother would be. But we know better, don't we?  
  
"I'll ask Hiei-san!" She put her shoes on and went to look for the short demon. After wandering around a few parks looking at the top of trees (and almost getting cramps on her neck because of it.), She finally found him.  
  
"Hiei-san!" Yukina called. He didn't move. Maybe he was asleep. Yukina sighed and started climbing the tree with some difficulty.  
  
"Hiei-san." She whispered, shaking him gently. Again, the fire demon showed no sign of awaking up. Yukina decided to go for another strategy.  
  
"Look! Sweet Snow!" She shouted. Hiei instantly bolted awake.  
  
"WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?!" He asked, frantically looking around.  
  
Yukina giggled and Hiei realized he had been fooled. Slightly grumpy, he sat back on the tree branch.  
  
"Hello, Hiei-san." Yukina said, bowing and adjusting herself on another branch.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Hiei-san, I have something to ask you."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"It has to do with a man and a woman."  
  
"Hn." Hiei frowned. What was she talking about?  
  
"And their children."  
  
Hiei kept quiet, starting to sweat. Was she talking about their parents?  
  
"And you, being the person I can most relate to, is perfect to answering me."  
  
"Hn." SHE KNEW IT! Oh, sweet joy! He wouldn't have to hide his affection for her! He could be the brother he always wanted to be! He would take her for walks on the park, buy her ice cream, beat the baka-ningen, Kuwabara, for flirting with her while shouting 'DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER!' and...  
  
"Hiei-san, how can a man get a woman pregnant?"  
  
Hiei fell from the tree.  
  
"Hiei-san!" Yukina shouted, worry evident on her voice.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
"She asked you what?" Kurama laughed, choking on his drink.  
  
"How a man could get a woman pregnant!" Hiei shouted, clearly angry with the redheaded boy.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just...I can't believe she would ask you something like that!"  
  
Hiei glared at his friend, "You don't know how much I want to fry your ass right now."  
  
"I can imagine." Kurama said, whipping away the tears forming on the corner of his eyes, "Well, what do you need my help with?"  
  
Hiei fidgeted. Damn his ignorance about humans! He would be enrolling himself on one of those 'schools' as soon as possible to avoid having this kind of conversation with the kitsune. Then again, maybe he wouldn't.  
  
"I don't know how humans reproduce."  
  
Kurama chocked again on his drink, "What?!"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW HOW HUMANS REPRODUCE!" Hiei screamed, his temper finally snapping.  
  
"Okay, okay! Calm down!" Kurama hurriedly said. He didn't want Hiei to sick the Kokuryuuha on his house. His mother was already too suspicious because of an accident involving his fan girls and his Mimosa from the Makai.  
  
Hiei breathed hard and calmed down. He turned to Kurama.  
  
"Explain me how this happens."  
  
Kurama sighed. It would be a long night.  
  
_ Next day_  
  
"So, that's basically how it goes, Hiei. Hiei?" Kurama looked at his friend, who was blushing profusely.  
  
"I CAN'T TELL THIS TO MY SISTER!" Hiei squeaked on a high-pitched voice that didn't suit him very well.  
  
"Hiei, just tell her the truth! It's no big deal! Tell her that the man introduces his penis on the woman's vagina and how it happens the process of fertilizing!"  
  
"Must you say it so bluntly?" He asked, covering his cheeks with his hands.  
  
Kurama sighed in annoyance.  
  
"Okay, I'll tell her." He paused, "Can I use the 'bees and flowers' explanations?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Hiei hung his head in defeat.  
  
Kurama sighed. What a mess he had gotten himself into!  
  
"Hiei, listen to me! EYE CONTACT!" He commanded. Hiei looked at him.  
  
"WHO IS THE FASTER FIRE DEMON OF THE MAKAI?!" He shouted.  
  
"I am?"  
  
"YES! WHO IS THE BEST SWORDMASTER OF THE MAKAI?!"  
  
"I am." Hiei said, his moral starting to rise.  
  
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE JAGAN?!"  
  
"I am!"  
  
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME?!"  
  
"I AM!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"YEAH!" They screamed, spitting on their hands and shaking it.  
  
"NOW GO AND TELL HER HOW US GUYS MAKE THEIR BELLYS GROW!"  
  
"SIR, YES SIR!"  
  
"DISMISSED!"  
  
Hiei jumped out of his room and Kurama sighed in relief. He heard a knock at his door before his mother opened it, a frown on her face.  
  
"What were you screaming about?!"  
  
"Huh..." He stuttered, "It's a macho thing?"  
  
_Back to Yukina_  
  
She sighed. Hiei had promised her he would explain it for her and she was waiting. She was about to get up to take a shower when Hiei jumped inside her bedroom.  
  
"I know it!" He announce in triumph.  
  
"Know what, Hiei-san?" She asked innocently.  
  
"How humans reproduce!"  
  
"You do? That's great!" Yukina exclaimed excitedly, "Now you can explain it to me!"  
  
Hiei took a deep breath, "Okay, sit down so I can explain it."  
  
After some time  
  
(A/N: I don't have to write it, do I? I mean, everyone here knows how it goes! Some have even tried it already...)  
  
"And that's how it goes." Hiei sighed. He had explained it rather well! He was sure his sister had understood everything. He was a great teacher! He was the best! He was...  
  
"What's a penis, Hiei-san?"  
  
Screwed.  
  
_ The End._  
  
DD: Perverted? Awful? Funny? Good? Review and let me know! 


	2. The Wonders of Male Anatomy

DD: By popular demand, I wrote another chapter. Thanks for everyone that reviewed. I was very happy to see that so many people enjoyed this fic! I'm almost 100% sure this is the last chapter and I want to thank you both Madame Arrow Foxfire and Mystic Raccoon for giving me ideas for fics. Hiei as a homicidal fairy? Sounds promising. As for Xari, no I don't think Yukina's stupid. It's just a logical conclusion. She grew up with only women (who can reproduce asexually) around her, so there was no way she knew (unless someone else told you) how humans reproduce.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned the series, we would have seen Kurama (both forms) and Hiei naked a lot.  
  
**Explain Me!  
  
By Dancing Doll  
  
Chapter 2: The Wonders of The Male Anatomy**

"KURAMA!"  
  
The poor redhead who was calmly looking at porn sites on his computer fell from his chair as Hiei came crashing in his room through the window. The fire-demon crawled to Kurama's bed and curled up on a fetal position, mumbling incoherent things.  
  
Kurama raised an eyebrow and sat on the floor, staring at Hiei with curiosity. He listened intently and was able to make out things like 'Self- combustion', 'Traumatized to death', 'Without any chances of becoming a normal psycho again' and such. Kurama sighed.  
  
"So, how did it went with Yukina?"  
  
Hiei stopped his mumbling and froze. Then, he looked at Kurama so suddenly that the redhead jumped in alarm. The fire-demon lunged at Kurama, knocking the boy down and started to shook him, not aware that by doing so he was also making the green-eyed boy's head connect with the wall. Hard.  
  
"IT WAS AWFUL! I EXPLAINED IT ALL RIGHT, I EVEN USED THE 'V' AND 'P' WORDS! BUT THEN...!"  
  
Hiei let go of Kurama and started banging his head on the wall while the last laid on the floor with swirly eyes and a huge lump on his head. Kurama blinked and tried to push the lump down. He then looked at Hiei and sighed.  
  
"Stop it, Hiei. You'll break the wall."  
  
BANG.  
  
"I'm serious. Stop it right now."  
  
BANG.  
  
"I'll count to three, young man."  
  
BANG.  
  
"One."  
  
BANG.  
  
"Two."  
  
BANG.  
  
"THREE! GODAMNIT, STOP THIS RIGHT NOW OR I'LL SHOVE AN OAK UP YOUR ASS!"  
  
Now, that made Hiei stop. Having a mental image of an oak being shoved on your behind can do that, you know. Kurama breathed hard for a few moments, his usually perfect hair on a mess making him look like some kind of cave man. When he thought that he was calm enough, he looked at his friend again.  
  
"Now, Hiei, tell everything to me very slowly and calmly."  
  
"O-okay..."  
  
The short demon sighed and started telling Kurama what happened.  
  
"I explained it to her. Even the part where the 'p' goes in the 'v' and..."  
  
"Grow up, Hiei!" Kurama rolled his eyes. 'P' and 'V'?!  
  
"You don't know what happened afterwards!" Hiei shouted defensively. He took a deep breath and continued.  
  
"Then, after I was finished, she asked me another question..."  
  
"Which was...?" Kurama encouraged.  
  
"She asked me whatwasapenis." Hiei whispered the last part so quickly that not even Kurama fox hearing was able to catch.  
  
"Sorry, didn't get that."  
  
"She asked me..." He took a deep breath. He could say it! He had a freaking third eye implanted on his forehead, for God's sake! He was able to say it!  
  
"I CAN'T!" Hiei collapsed on the floor, rocking back and fourth.  
  
Kurama looked at his friend worriedly. Deciding that Hiei had already suffered enough, the redhead got up.  
  
"Okay, Hiei. Whichever the question was, I'll answer it personally to her."  
  
Hiei looked at him with tears in all three eyes and hugged Kurama's leg. Kurama started to get seriously freaked out.  
  
"Thank you, oh thank you! I'll be eternally grateful! I'll do your laundry! I'll kill your fan girls! I'll clean your room! I'll water your plants! I'll-"  
  
"OKAY! OKAY! GOT IT!" Kurama shook the other demon off, "Just go do whatever you want to do while I talk to her!"  
  
"Okay!" Hiei said, his hands together on a praying fashion and his lips trembling.  
  
Kurama sweat-dropped and ran away from his house. Maybe the exposition to darkness flames and its high-temperatures had finally fried Hiei's brain.  
  
When Kurama finally got on Genkai's temple, he noticed that something was very wrong. There was a certain smell on the air that wasn't unknown to him. In fact, it was very well known...  
  
"Shit."  
  
Wouldn't you like to know what he smelled?  
  
_To Yukina_  
  
Yukina, contrary to what many people think, is a hell of a youkai. She has, like all others, great hearing, seeing and smelling senses. Although her vision had been kinda damaged from all the blinding whiteness of the Koorime Island.  
  
So, it was not surprising when she also smelled what Kurama had. In fact, she had been knowing what it was for a long time now, since she had already felt this scent before. But knowing what it did, she didn't pay much attention to it. She only had to warn Kurama not to come around until the scent was gone.  
  
Too bad she didn't do it sooner. Blame the authoress.  
  
Yukina's senses jumped in alarm when she felt a strong youki approaching. She closed her eyes, lowering the temperature around the temple. Genkai was traveling, so she was all by herself. But then, she recognized the presence and stopped transforming the temple into a mini- Artic.  
  
"Youko Kurama-san!" She gasped. The door opened and the fox demon entered the room in all his glory. He walked over to her and sat before the short koorime. And put emphasis on short. Even as Shuuichi, Yukina didn't even got close to said boy's chest. Imagine it with Youko Kurama, who was more than a head taller.  
  
Youko nodded and examined her.  
  
"What did you ask to Hiei?"  
  
"Huh?" Yukina blinked, "I asked him what a penis was."  
  
Youko raised both eyebrows and his eyes widened in surprise. He wasn't expecting that.  
  
Now, let's revise some facts.  
  
Youko had been locked on Shuuichi's body for, like, sixteen years? And the redhead was still a virgin, even though of all the willing females around the globe who wouldn't mind one bit to share his bed. Let me tell you that when Youko was shoot, he had a _very _active sexual life and the fact that he was currently and unwillingly living in celibacy did _not_ make him happy.  
  
Now, let's see what's going on inside our dear fox's mind.  
  
_View of Youko's mind.  
_  
A ship with 'Reason' written in it can be seen sailing. There are some brain cells that looked like chibi Shuuichis in it screaming at him.  
  
"DON'T! SHE'S HIEI'S SISTER!"  
  
"WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF AFTERWARDS?!"  
  
"SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT GIRL!"  
  
Then, a army plane flies by. There's 'Sexual Desire' written in it. The pilot is a chibi Youko laughing insanely. He fires a missile on the ship, which blows up.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" The chibi Shuuichis scream. Chibi Youko makes a peace sign and flies away while yelling.  
  
"POP LITTLE YOUKO IN!"  
  
_Normal View  
_  
Yukina sweat-dropped as Youko started to chuckle maniacally, not even imagining what was going on inside his mind. She smoothed her kimono and patiently waited for him to stop.  
  
Youko looked at her and grinned sexily.  
  
"It's something that men have between their legs. Hiei told you what it does, right?"  
  
"Yes, he explained me the process." Yukina said, not embarrassed at all.  
  
"But, Youko-san, what does it looks like?"  
  
Oh, sweet joy! God was **so** good with him! He almost cried in happiness. Chibi Youkos could be seen cheering around his head.  
  
"It's hard to explain." He said, frowning as if in deep thinking. Too bad all the blood had rushed down and his former head wasn't thinking really straight.  
  
"Oh." Yukina said, disappointed. Her curiosity hadn't been satisfied.  
  
"However..."  
  
She looked at him in hope.  
  
"I can show you."  
  
"You can?! That would be great!" Yukina exclaimed happily. Hiei should have explained her that this kind of thing was deeply inappropriate and taught her all the process of courting, love, yadda yadda that came before sex.  
  
"Oh, yes." Youko said while his mind chanted 'I'm gonna get laid! I'm gonna get laid! I'm gonna get laid!' over and over again.  
  
"Then, you think you can show me how sex happens?" Yukina asked. She would be asking Kurama everything from now on.  
  
"You bet!" Youko exclaimed. He was sooo happy.  
  
But let me remind you, dear readers, that Hiei (after coming back to his senses) had decided to keep an eye on Kurama to make sure he wasn't going to traumatize his little sister. Well, this happened just when Youko agreed to show her what sex was.  
  
And Hiei was _not_ happy.  
  
So, with god-like speed and looks of an infuriated rhinoceros, Hiei stormed inside the room.  
  
"FOX!"  
  
_The End._  
  
DD: Ooooh, naughty Youko! This fic has given me a name to my lemon...Hehe...Anyway, don't forget to review and check out my other works. Thank you for reading this fic (that ended up being quite erotic) and until we meet again! Ja ne! 


	3. The PreSex Rituals!

**Explain Me!**

**By Dancing Doll**

**Third Explanation: The Pre-Sex Rituals!**

"See how he treats me, even when I came all the way here just to help him out?" Youko Kurama sniffed, looking at Yukina with sad eyes while the koorime healed him. A vein popped on Hiei's head and he pointed an accusing finger at the fox.

"It's your damn fault! How dare you make a move on her!" He shouted, drawing his sword. Yukina gasped and, without really thinking, threw her arms around Youko's neck.

If you are wondering how that free sample of a being (due to her smallness) was able to such a wonder, Youko was sitting down. Mind you, Yukina was standing.

"Hiei-san, don't! I've just healed all of Youko-san's injuries!" She pleaded, pulling the fox to her. "Also, you two are friends and – Hiei-san? Why are you making such a horrified face?" She asked when Hiei pretty much turned to stone.

"Oh, joy..." Youko sighed, although it came out as a muffled sound to everyone else's ears, since his face was buried between Yukina's...Upper gifts.

"YOU BASTARD!" Hiei screamed in a high-pitched voice, grabbing Youko's tail and pulling at it with all his might. Youko's eyes widened when he stopped feeling that heavenly softness anymore and his hands immediately searched for Yukina.

"YUKINA!"

"YOUKO-SAN!" Yukina screamed, obviously seeing the action as a plea for help and not a reflex of a perverted mind beyond salvation.

"LET GO OF HER!"

"DON'T LET GO OF ME!"

"LET GO OF HIS TAIL!"

Needless to say, the 'let/don't let/let go' went on for quite a while until Hiei finally got it that his sister wouldn't release Youko until he stopped pulling at that flea-filled tail. "Fine!" He shouted, crossing his arms before his chest "But let go of him!"

"All right..." She said, releasing her hold on Youko. "Now, can you tell me what was all this about?" Yukina asked. Youko missed it, though, since he had passed out from J-O-Y!

"Can I kill him now?" Hiei asked, unsheathing his sword. Yukina sweat-dropped.

"No."

**Explain!**

"..."

"I'm soooo sorry."

"..."

"I really didn't mean it...He just gets out of hand sometimes..."

"..."

"Won't you stop ignoring me?"

"..."

"Fine! Be that way!" Kurama, the redhead, shrugged, annoyed at Hiei's antics. "I mean, if you're so angry at me, why are still here at my house? Shouldn't you be devising a way to castrate me or something?"

Hiei looked sourly at Kurama, "I wanted to...But then you won't help me answering Yukina's questions..."

Kurama sweat-dropped, "Is the anguish so great you even lost the strength to punish me?"

"...Yes..." Hiei said, looking down at his lap. Kurama was about to comfort him when he heard something that made him turn blue. A sob.

"H-Hiei?"

"..."

A sniff.

"...! Hiei!"

A sob, sniff, sniff, sob, sob, sob, sniff, sob, sniff, sob, sob, sniff, sniff, sob...

Readers: WE'VE GOT IT ALREADY!

D.D.: Oh, right.

"HIEI!" Kurama shouted, ignoring the voices coming from nowhere. Probably just another pack of angry readers...Hiei turned to look at him, eyes swollen and two Mississippis running down his cheeks.

"I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED, KURA-CHAN!"

Then, the background turned all sparkly with sakura's flowers blossoming as Hiei started to run to him, his tears turning to stone before hitting the floor. "KURAAAAA-CHAAAAAN!"

Yes, people of Earth, Apocalypse is finally upon our heads!

"LIKE HELL YOU'RE HUGGING ME!" Kurama screamed, images of horror filling his mind as he imagined their Yaoi-fandom's reaction to this particular scene. A nearby vase broke and the plant's roots immediately grabbed Hiei's feet and pulled him upside-down. "PUT YOURSELF TOGETHER, DUDE! BE MACHO!"

"I'm macho...!" Hiei sobbed, hugging his hands before his heart, "...But this situation is killing me!" Then, he saw the background, "Ooooh, sparkly-sparkly!"

"Oh...My..." Kurama mumbled, before determination was born on him. He couldn't let his friend like that! No! His reputation would be tarnished as well if this went on! So, with resolute steps, the fox gallantly marched to the phone and dialed Genkai's number.

"Yukina? Would it be too much trouble if I asked you to come here?"

**Explain!**

Yukina listened with interest as Hiei's begging went on and on until Kurama agreed to do something by himself. She was able to catch a glimpse of Hiei, Celebration-Mode, before Kurama closed the door of his bedroom behind him and sat by her side on his bed.

"Yukina, I asked you to come here because Hiei forgot to explain you something very important when you asked him how humans reproduced..."

"Yes!" Yukina nodded, "He forgot to tell me what a penis looks like!"

"N-no..." Kurama sweat-dropped, "Well, yes, but I didn't mean that..."

"K-Kurama-san!" She interrupted, "Can't you tell me that first? It's just I really want to know!" Yukina insisted and Kurama noticed he would have to if he wanted her to pay attention.

_Ooooh, show her, Kurama-san!_ Youko shouted happily, going mad at Yukina's respectful treatment to them; _Show her so we can make her scratch our back so hard we bleed!_

"Sure." He said, getting up and grabbing his Biology book. Flipping through the pages, he showed her one of those oh-so-mysterious pictures.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YOU FRIGD BASTARD! SHOW HER THE REAL THING!_

Yukina stared at it for a long time before announcing in a nervous voice, "It looks gross! Do women really let men insert _that_ into them?"

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Now she's disgusted!_

Kurama grinned, his macho-ness dawning on him, "Yukina, it's not the look of the wand that matters, but rather the magic it does!"

_...Have you been reading Harry Potter again, Shuuichi?_

"_It_ can do magic!" She gasped, "Not fair! Ours can't!"

_Uhuhuhu! Just try flexing your walls while we're in and you'll see the magic happen, Yuki-ch_an!

"Oh, it can, all right..." Kurama chuckled darkly before snapping back to reality, "I mean, figuratively speaking...!"

_Now, show her the real thing!_

"Oh, okay..." She smiled, handing him the book back. Kurama put it away before returning to his previous spot.

_Now! Now! Do it now that Hiei's too grateful to care!_

"So, can I explain you what he forgot to tell you?"

_No! She'll stop being so naïve!_

"Yes!" Yukina nodded happily, "I want to know more! Sex is so mysterious!

_Oh, my dear Yuki-chan...What I wouldn't do to uncover those mysteries with you! Shuuichi, take a sniff at her clothes to see if there's any scent of the Fruit of Past left, so we can revert! NO! Scratch that; take a sniff at her-_

Kurama sweat-dropped and blushed madly, clearing his throat and mind "More than that, Yukina, sex is something very, _very_ intimate. It's something you do with the person you fully love-"

_That's a damn lie!_ Youko shouted, forgetting his previous ideas, _I've had plenty of sex while I lived in Makai, and I didn't love any of those women!_

"-Trust-"

_Don't trust **him**, Yukina! He's a liar! LIAR!_

"-and, sometimes, want to spend the rest of your life with."

_WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'LL DIE FROM ALL THE FILTHY LIES YOU'RE TELLING HER!_

"Love? But we can't do it with, say, our mothers, fathers and siblings, right?"

"No." Kurama nodded, glad she didn't misunderstand that part. Oh, what a trip down the incest road they would have if she had...He cringed at the mere thought of it. "Also, before sex there's a long way to go...You have to befriend the person, ask her or him out...You know those things Keiko and Yusuke did before marrying?"

"That stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I understand it now..." Yukina said, before a delicate frown appeared on her forehead, "So, Kurama-san, would you say it's inappropriate to have sex before all these things?"

"Well, some people pay other for sexual favors, but that's not your case. To have sex with you, one surely would have to do all these things very strictly, or else they would be taking advantage of you. If they don't, feel free to hit them." He said, looking fondly at the koorime.

"I see..." Yukina whispered, her bags shadowing her eyes. Kurama stared at her for a moment before his eyes widened when a sudden coldness surrounded his feet and hands.

"Shit!" He cursed, seeing the bonds of ice Yukina had created. Gasping, he turned to see her hand speeding towards his face, a box glove made of ice covering it.

_...What a right jab..._

**The End**

…

**For now…**

D.D.: Somehow, this one-shot became a three-shot...Up till now, because I'm so gonna keep writing! That, of course, if I get enough r-e-v-i-e-w-s...Also, I ended up turning this into a slight Yuki/Kura...I must resist this habit, or how shall I pair him with Maya on my next fic! Speaking of fics, all of you who are reading Rhythm, the new chap is up!


	4. Explain Me! Special!

**Explain Me!**

**By Dancing Doll**

'**Explain Me!' Special: Youko's Guide to Mating!**

Greetings, human comrade! Here am I, presenting you all stuttering males an infallible, step-by-step guide to the mysterious and subtle ways of how to get full satisfaction before lunch-time-

Hmm, but that's if you're incredibly sexy and able to irradiate an irresistible sexual poison, like me...

Well, by dinner-time, then.

-And to all females reading this, you have either two choices!

1: Keep reading in order to know what to expect from a fully-trained lover of the Youko Kurama Style.

2: Give up on these amateurs and call me.

Now, let the guide begin!

**Step 1**

**Choose a target!**

Unless you want some lonely pleasure, you _must_ have a girl (or boy, if you're gay) in your sights. However, do get real and pick one according to your level.

E.g.: Someone as hot and stern as _YOUNG _Genkai would never give a pimple-covered, boring and ugly guy like Yu Kaitou a first look, let alone have sex with him.

_Youko Kurama would like to advertise his another self's, Shuuichi Minamino, autobiography and guide to the wonders of masturbation 'Hot, Lusty and Virgin: Why Having a Youkai Alter-Ego can ruin Your Life'_

**Step 2**

**Check for any protective sibling/parent/relative/rival! (In no specific order)**

Obviously, you don't want your mate's furious brother (who has the power to invoke flames from Makai itself) to see you courting his sister shamelessly! Check to see if they're around and you'll face these two most probable situations:

1: They're.

**Suggestion:** Choose another one, man.

2: They aren't.

**Suggestion: **Go for it, but make sure you have an escape route just in case.

_Youko Kurama would also like to advertise his friend Hiei's 'Loving Brother's Guide to Protect Sweet, oh-so Innocent Sisters from Gangsters, Oafs, Foxes & Co.'_

**Step 3**

**Approach!**

Duh. Talk to her.

Suggestions:

"Hey!"

"Hi!"

"How YOU doing?"

"Wanna get laid?"

**ATTENTION!**

_Suggestion n.3 will only work if the girl in question is as innocent as Yukina! Girls like Keiko will slap you senselessly! Women like Shizuru and Genkai will KILL you!_

**Step 4**

**Win Her!**

Now you've got to pull a Don Juan or Casablanca-

D.D.: Casa_nova_.

- Ignore the voices - Casablanca on her! Say some crap among the lines of 'Ooooh, you're so pretty! I luv-luv ya! Have a rose! No, have two! Ooooh, I so can't live without ya! I need ya! I need ya NOW!'. She might buy it, she might not.

_Youko Kurama would like to explain he never had to work really hard to win the ladies. Reactions may vary according to your level of hotness._

**Step 5**

**Find a location!**

Take her to your place, go to a motel, find a dark alley, get in the nearest public restroom...Anything goes, man, _if _she's as horny as you. Most females tend not to like the second option. As for the third and fourth, they downright hate it.

_Youko Kurama would like to say his choice-with-bed is a motel. If you're in for just a quickie, you will be able to leave while she sleeps. If you did it in your house, she'll just smash your furniture in return to your coldness._

**Step 6**

**Set a mood!**

Candles, music, naughty things whispered on her ear or just smelling good can do wonders to get your faster to the point of pleasure! Make sure you took a bath and brushed your teeth and she'll be more than happy!

_Youko Kurama would like to reinforce the importance of being clean. BE CLEAN, DAMNIT!_

**Step 7**

**Do the preliminaries!**

Girls are hard to please, that's a universal truth. Not only they take longer to excite (sometimes), take longer to climax (sometimes), they want sex to last longer than a three-minute song (**always**)! So, knowing that most of you would be too nervous to come up with anything on your own, I've developed a script!

**1- **Kiss

**2- CENSORED**

**3- CENSORED**

**4- CENSORED**

**5- CENSORED**

**6- CENSORED**

**7- CENSORED**

**8- MOST CENSORED!**

**9- MOST CENSORED!**

**10- MOST CENSORED!**

**11- **Kiss

_Since there are most surely small kids reading this without their parents knowing, the authoress chose not to clarify the script. If you know your stuff, you can imagine what has been censored._

**Step 8**

**Ask!**

Ask for permission to enter. This will gave her the (wrong, since you're reading this) impression that you're a nice, sensitive guy. Also, if you got lucky and are banging a virgin, you need to give her some warning. Say things like:

"Are you ready?"

"It's now."

"I'm going to enter you."

"I'll make you mine!"

"Let's become one!"

Never, EVER ask her "Are you sure?"! What if she says **no**!

_Youko Kurama would like to clarify that if a lady ever told him she wanted to stop, no matter how wanton he could be, he would **stop**! Rape is a vile and low thing._

**Step 9**

**Ohohohoho!**

Ohohohoho!

**Step 10**

**Finale!**

Now, this step depends of where you are! If you did the act on a bed, turn around and sleep! If you did it hidden on a public space, leave and go boast with your friends!

_Youko Kurama would like to explain that if you really like the girl and want more than just a quickie, you shouldn't do ANYTHING he taught! Wait for Kuwabara's 'Guide to Find Your True Love' to be released!_

**--**

_So, what did you think, Shuuichi?_

"You...Helpless...Old...Pervert..."

**The End**

…

**Like I'd let you all alone that easily! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

D.D.: ...I have too much free-time...

D.D.'s mom: Why don't you study, then?

D.D.: Nah.


End file.
